freaking out ...

I had lunch with my bloggy-turned-real pal swooper last week and we, of course, got to talking about blogging.  So much to say here.  We talked about the reasons we blog, blogs that we both follow, what we envision for our own blogs, privacy issues - so so much ...

I love her perspective because swooper and I have very different blogs.  Swooper is truly an author.  An author who has a very clever way with words.  Her stories and observations on motherhood and everyday life are hilarious - she sees the world with a very dry sense of humor, which I adore.  It's like being friends with Erma Bombeck.  As for my blog, it's simply a journal for me to jot down our happenings from week to week, because otherwise I'd forget (wish I'd been blogging from the start - I already feel as though so much of my ladybugs' childhood has been blurred by time ... deep sigh).  Overall, I've really enjoyed the journaling aspect of it - and, amazingly, a few folks out there in blogland must too because I've actually found friends along the way.  In fact, I've "met" some really wonderful folks through blogging, and if you're here reading, you're one of them!  I've enjoyed your conversation, your different perspectives, your sympathetic ears, your recipes and ideas, and the whole collaborative spirit among my tiny circle of blog friends.  It's what I love most about blogging, which is kind of funny because it's the one thing I never ever anticipated.

So what do I love the least about blogging?  For me, it's mainly the time factor.  Never enough hours in day, right?  Kim once said that she blogs as the result of being very good at "researching, gathering, and procrastinating".  Man, did those words ever hit home with me.  They are completely true of me.  It exposed a nerve that was already rumbling inside.  I am 110% guilty of being a champion procrastinator and yes, I'm also a noted researcher and gatherer as well.  Often to the point of paralysis.  But lately I'm noticing that the time I spend on blogs is at the expense of so much more - the emails I should be returning, the laundry, the bills, whatever.  It's become a procrastination tool for me.  Ouch.  A quick 'check-in' in blogland can easily turn into an hour of my time.  Or more.  And don't even get me started on how long it can take me to post something of my own, particularly if I'm linking up ... the editing process alone is a labor of love as I nitpick every. single. word.  And, oh yeah, the photos.  Oy.

So what am I to do?!  On the one hand, I love the friends I've found here and I actually wish that I had more time to spend on my blog.  With more time, I could have actually participated in the Joy of Love seminar I signed up for (doing 4 out of 28 assignments (and only posting 2) = fail).  With more time, I could really start to figure out the mechanics of blogging and design a great header and layout, and I could learn how to edit photos in Picasa or Picnik or whatever it is those of you with cool photo effects and fun headers do.  I could participate in more link-up parties (sorry, Jen D, I've missed your last 2 in spite of the great topics!).  Maybe I could even become more of an author à la swooper ... last week she reminded me that when we first met I had envisioned this blog as a place to vent about my "in real life" life in this often ridiculous small town of ours.  I once wrote about that vision here, but it turns out that finding the time to gather my thoughts and write them into story like that is just about never.  Because, after all, I have an "in real life" life.

Which brings me back to the other side of the coin ... the time I already spend here!  My god, the things that could have been accomplished in the same amount of time!  I've been struggling a lot with this balance lately.  Can you tell I've hit the wall?!  I have such a busy, crazy, overcommitted life as it is ... do I really have room for blogging in all of that?  Swooper and I also discussed a handful of other miscellaneous negatives as well ... issues like privacy.  Obviously, Swooper doesn't use her own name - nor does she ever post a single image of her kids - her brilliant words carry her entire blog.  Without my photos, my blog would be nothing - they're how I tell my stories.  But via blogging I now have photos of my kids in a public space on the internet and isn't that a no-no?  It's what our school is telling my 6th grader, anyway - and that even applies to password-protected sites like facebook!  I've heard a lot lately about photos being encoded with GPS info, so evidently a clever stalker could find us right here at the house if they wanted to.  Great.  Before I learned about encoded photos, my worst nightmare was receiving a hurtful or creepy anonymous comment - now I need to worry about nutcases showing up at my house?

Clearly, I'm overthinking.  And freaking out.  I go back and forth from wanting to expand my blogging all the way to wanting to take it all down and walk away.  Are these thoughts familiar to anyone else?  Can anyone talk me off the ledge or is my freak-out justified?  Bloggy friends, help a sister out!