generations

As I already said, that video of the aging father with his grown son in my previous post really had an impact on me.  I felt it very personally and still find my thoughts drifting back to it 2 days later - perhaps it's the fact that my own grandmother has dementia and lives in constant confusion ... or perhaps it's because I can sometimes be regretfully short tempered with my mother.  It definitely hit a nerve and I'm still contemplating the reasons why...

I've noticed over the past several years that I've felt especially overwhelmed by the passage of time - as though these last few years have been moving at triple speed.  As my ladybugs have grown from needy little tots into independent capable kids, I suddenly find myself moving into middle age - nowadays I'm the one giving the wistful looks I used to receive when I see a cute toddler in a grocery cart.  Meantime, I look around and see barely anyone left in the eldest generation of friends and family that I fondly remember from my childhood, and my sweet grandmother's strength is fading too quickly - Father Time's clock is ticking away and my mother's generation is starting to shift into that empty space left behind by the 'elders'. In our large lifelong circle of friends and family, at the age of 91 there is only my grandmother left in that top generation - and with her inevitable passing, a generational shift will be complete.  And nothing will be as I remember it.  And it occurs to me that I hate that time marches on whether you want it to or not.

(82 years between them)

When I was born, despite being only in their 50's, my grandmother's generation was already at the top tier of our family tree - thus it has remained the same throughout my entire life.  Like any family, we have lost members along the way - most after a long and full life and some unfairly before their time.  But the generations have remained in tact.  Always.  So I'm not ready for the shift that's upon us.  I'm not ready to see my mother at the top.  I'm not ready to give up my role as a granddaughter.  To redefine the generations seems ... wrong, impossible, depressing, daunting to say the least.


Epilogue:
After writing this rambling post yesterday, I decided to let it sit and go unpublished.  Too personal, too depressing, too unfinished.  But I may have a way to justify posting it after all.  I'm participating in Willette Designs Joy of Love seminar (photographer extraordinaire Kim got me inspired to do it and I know Cindy has also been joining in too).  Today's assignment (or at least I think it's today's - I've definitely been going out of order!) was ... generations!  What incredible timing - I had written the above post yesterday before the email from Willette's had even arrived.  So together with the ones above, the following photos are my "generations" submission - my beloved 4-generation family ... just the way it is.  Right now.  Today.  And I hope many more days to come.

(my GiGi, as a young girl in the early 1920's)

(fast forward 85 years to 2007: my GiGi, seated at the center - the matriarch of her family: mother of 2, grandmother of 6, great-grandmother of 14)

I should stop feeling sad about the light that's fading and take a breath to enjoy the here and now.  And above all, I should be thankful for our blessings - what a legacy my GiGi created ...