generations

As I already said, that video of the aging father with his grown son in my previous post really had an impact on me.  I felt it very personally and still find my thoughts drifting back to it 2 days later - perhaps it's the fact that my own grandmother has dementia and lives in constant confusion ... or perhaps it's because I can sometimes be regretfully short tempered with my mother.  It definitely hit a nerve and I'm still contemplating the reasons why...

I've noticed over the past several years that I've felt especially overwhelmed by the passage of time - as though these last few years have been moving at triple speed.  As my ladybugs have grown from needy little tots into independent capable kids, I suddenly find myself moving into middle age - nowadays I'm the one giving the wistful looks I used to receive when I see a cute toddler in a grocery cart.  Meantime, I look around and see barely anyone left in the eldest generation of friends and family that I fondly remember from my childhood, and my sweet grandmother's strength is fading too quickly - Father Time's clock is ticking away and my mother's generation is starting to shift into that empty space left behind by the 'elders'. In our large lifelong circle of friends and family, at the age of 91 there is only my grandmother left in that top generation - and with her inevitable passing, a generational shift will be complete.  And nothing will be as I remember it.  And it occurs to me that I hate that time marches on whether you want it to or not.

(82 years between them)

When I was born, despite being only in their 50's, my grandmother's generation was already at the top tier of our family tree - thus it has remained the same throughout my entire life.  Like any family, we have lost members along the way - most after a long and full life and some unfairly before their time.  But the generations have remained in tact.  Always.  So I'm not ready for the shift that's upon us.  I'm not ready to see my mother at the top.  I'm not ready to give up my role as a granddaughter.  To redefine the generations seems ... wrong, impossible, depressing, daunting to say the least.


Epilogue:
After writing this rambling post yesterday, I decided to let it sit and go unpublished.  Too personal, too depressing, too unfinished.  But I may have a way to justify posting it after all.  I'm participating in Willette Designs Joy of Love seminar (photographer extraordinaire Kim got me inspired to do it and I know Cindy has also been joining in too).  Today's assignment (or at least I think it's today's - I've definitely been going out of order!) was ... generations!  What incredible timing - I had written the above post yesterday before the email from Willette's had even arrived.  So together with the ones above, the following photos are my "generations" submission - my beloved 4-generation family ... just the way it is.  Right now.  Today.  And I hope many more days to come.

(my GiGi, as a young girl in the early 1920's)

(fast forward 85 years to 2007: my GiGi, seated at the center - the matriarch of her family: mother of 2, grandmother of 6, great-grandmother of 14)

I should stop feeling sad about the light that's fading and take a breath to enjoy the here and now.  And above all, I should be thankful for our blessings - what a legacy my GiGi created ...

5 minutes worth your while ...

It doesn't happen often, but this short feature, shared on facebook by an old high school friend who is now a filmmaker, really got to me ... to the point where I am compelled to repost it (which happens even less often - as in, never).  Proceed no further unless you have 5 minutes 31 seconds to really watch this film and allow yourself to be moved.  It's spoken in Greek with subtitles below. I found it to be incredibly touching, to the point of tears (don't say I didn't warn you), I hope you do too ...

thank you thank you!

With my life currently being ruled by this record-breaking winter weather and having had each and every week of January become disrupted thanks to said weather, I feel like I haven't done a whole lot of quality posting lately.  I think I lost my zest somewhere between blizzards number two and three!  In fact, I barely feel as though my head is above water these days, especially with blizzard number five raging outside right now.  Yet somehow amidst my struggles, I recently got passed along not one but two blog awards - thank you so much to Karen at Stairstep Boys and to Cathy at Check It Off for including me in the award love!  Truly, this was such a nice lift during an otherwise dreary stretch ... thank you both so much!
Two weeks ago, Karen passed along this award:

And then last weekend, Cathy passed along this award:

It's funny because last July, Kerri at Pleasures of my Life also passed me this same 'versatile blogger' award ... so I'm already prepared to list "7 interesting things about myself"!  I'm going to repost my list as is - I have a few new readers since July, plus it's kind of cool to go back and see where my head was 6 months ago ...

1. I love to travel and have been to 40 states, most of which were visited in a single cross-country road trip I took when I was 24 years old.  I'm still a road warrior now and have taken my kids back and forth from Massachusetts to South Florida several times - nothing better than the freedom of the open highway in front of me!
2. I was a LOST-a-holic and now that the series is over I'm ready to resume my other all-out tv addiction: Mad Men ... honorable mentions go to Modern Family and 30 Rock. (*editor's note: of course, by now Mad Men is over, too ... it was a very dark season with one humdinger of a finale and now I can't wait for July and season 5!) 
3. I majored in French and lived in the South of France for a year in college.  incroyable!!
4. As part of some sort of wacky 70’s philosophy, I skipped Kindergarten and went straight to 1st grade after pre-school ... add to that the fact the I have an August birthday and it means I graduated from high school at 16 and started college just after my 17th birthday (and thus, college graduation at 20) ... that one goes under the category of "but it seemed like a good decision at the time" ... oy!
5. I have a really hard time with explosive noises … thunder, fireworks, guns, etc. … all WAY too loud for me - I'll avoid at all cost.  No idea why, but it's very real - anyone ever had a dog who whimpers and cowers during a storm?  Yeah, that's me.
6. I have one of the most complicated family trees of any person I’ve ever met: marriage/kids, divorce, remarriage/more kids have been constant for 2 generations above me. Add to that the fact that my (briefly married) mother and father had a 24-year age difference and then even the generations become blurred. Double oy!
7. I have been at the front of every Madonna concert in Boston since 2001 (Drowned World, Reinvention, Confessions, and Sticky and Sweet) – 8 shows in all and an unspeakable expense, but with my best friend (who flies up from North Carolina) as my accomplice I wouldn’t trade a single one.

Thanks again to Karen and Cathy ... it was fun to post about something other than s.n.o.w.!!!

dear january ...

Over the years, I've always enjoyed the time we've spent together ... your slow-paced days have nourished me with the time I need to slow down, take a breath, and collect myself ... I can always count on you as a time to clean up and get organized after the holiday chaos, a time to reflect on the year that's passed, and a time to make resolutions and goals for the year to come. But this year's been a little different - actually it's been a lot different.  What happened to my slow-paced days of reflection?  Or my New Year's resolutions for that matter?  How is it that your days have all slipped right through my fingers?  Was it the fact that we haven't yet had a full 5-day school week?  I admit, momentum's been hard to gather with all of these snow days messing with my calendar.  And while we're on the subject of snow, dear January ... I think you could have gone a bit more lightly on this fragile little Floridian soul.  Just sayin'.  I mean, please, it's only January 31st and we're already 18.5 inches above the average for an entire season?! The Shaq-o-meter doesn't lie  ...

Listen, January, I've been a brave soldier these last 16+ years in New England and I always try my best to just casually roll with those winter punches you dole out.  In fact, I was here for that all-time record 102.8-inch season in '95-'96 and I was very pleasant about it.  But back then I was a newlywed with a full time teaching job and no children of my own ... snow days had a whole different meaning for me - like sleeping in and quiet time to myself, for starters.  Heck, we didn't even need to shovel - that was the landlord's responsibility.  But this time around, dear January, I think the excessive snow days are really pushing me to my limit.  My back is sore, my children are stir-crazy, and my thoughts and plans can't get any traction with all these interruptions.  If you're feeling any sympathy at all, dear January, could you please just do me one favor?  Would you mind talking to February about her opening plans?

buried ...

Hard to believe that only 2 weeks ago, we were joyfully digging out from the first big snowstorm of 2011 and enjoying the blessings and beauty of fresh New England snow. This was the sunrise exactly two weeks ago, the morning after that first snowstorm ...

Beautiful! These are what the streets in my neighborhood looked like as we drove out to the sledding hill later that day - still fresh - everything was so magical! My happiness meter was running high ...

Two days later, over the weekend, we saw one of the most beautiful sunsets I've ever seen in my life - right from our front window - this photo doesn't even begin to do justice to what it truly looked like - the colors were truly breathtaking ...

Heavenly, right? Doesn't the scenery look like something out of a postcard? Truthfully, it really was something out of a postcard - there's nothing like fresh-fallen snow. And it was made even more magical by being the first snow.

But can you tell where this is going? Yup - that blissful first snow was followed by a bitter reality check. Because the fact is, all that snow can't stay pristine forever ... *sigh* ... and the snow that gets plowed from the streets to the sides of the road gets dirty pretty quick ...

Add in a rainy day like this one from last week and you end up with a pretty yucky commute at school dismissal - this was our carpool line on Tuesday of last week ...

I was looking out my car window at the slush-covered streets ...

... wishing with all my heart that the rain would just melt everything away. No such luck. The temps dipped back below freezing and the dirty waterlogged snow banks on the sides of the roads turned to ice - it's like having cinderblock walls on each side of the road - same color and texture too. My attitude was going downhill fast at that point! And by the end of last week it was snowing again ... like 8 more inches of snow - and our third snow day from school in just a 2-week stretch ...

Notice the walls of dirty snow on the sides of the roads? No hedges or fences underneath - that's just 4'+ tall walls of snow and ice. A far cry from the magic of fresh fallen snow! My happiness meter was sinking fast that day. Then, just to make sure I got kicked when I was already down, I experienced something that no native Floridian should ever have to bear ...

Only seconds earlier, that temp reading said negative one - but by the time I grabbed my phone, it was up to a balmy zero degrees ... this is not celsius, people, we're talkin' zero - like acrtic, sting your face, hard to breathe zero! I mean please, are you kidding me?? My attitude was really down in the dumps by this point - a mere 12 days after that first blissful snowstorm in which I had baked enough comfort foods to feed an army, took 103 gorgeous photos of fresh fallen snow, and remarked on the blessings of nature's beauty. Ha! How quickly it all unraveled for me ... happiness meter was definitely on empty.

Then wanna know what happened overnight last night? I'm in that pink 9-12" band ...

Twelve more inches of snow fell overnight here in town ... and we're home for our 4th snow day from school in just a 3-week stretch. To give you some perspective on where we stand with our grand total ... this is the way out of my house, out the side door and down 4 steps ...

That 42-inch (yes, I measured it - I had to know!) mound of snow in the center would normally be a grassy patch of yard. The street is just beyond the fence (yes, there's a 4-foot tall fence in this picture - don't you see it?). And those things that looks like sticks in front of the fence are the limbs of a small tree whose trunk is completely buried. The good news? It's beautiful again out my window ...

... pure and white, silent and magical ... my happiness meter is replenished. And so goes the vicious cycle of wintertime in New England ...

time lapse tuesday: the tree outside my window ...

These shots are of the tree outside the window at the top of the stairs - the first thing you see when you get to the second floor. It's a view that makes me happy - I just love this sweet old crabapple tree - perhaps it's because its shape and age remind me of The Giving Tree that it gives me great comfort to see it there. Wish I could say it's ours but despite how close it is to our window, it's actually our neighbor's tree and yard that you see. Since we have no backyard of our own, the rear of our house abuts this neighbor's enormous backyard sideways (so their house is out of these pictures to the far right, not the house you see in the background). In any case, we were fortunate enough that the neighbors decided to keep this wonderful tree in spite of some massive landscape demolition clearing overhauling they did last summer to make way for a huge wedding tent last October. What a sigh of relief that this old guy was one of the few originals that got to stay ...

the half birthdays ...

Not sure when or how it all started with the ladybugs, but for as long as I can remember I've always made it a habit to recognize their "half" birthdays ...

It's very low key - in fact, they rarely remember that the day is upon us until they see their tiny "half" cupcake and a single gift (always a book) on the kitchen table upon their return from school. Little ladybug's half birthday was in December - nine and a half - that means that come June 8th, my little bug's gonna have a big double-digit birthday to celebrate! I can hardly believe it ...

(enough pictures, mom, I'm reading!)

... And big ladybug's half birthday was this past Tuesday. My sweet first-born baby girl is just a half a year away from thirteen - wait, did I just say thirteen? There must be some mistake, that can't be right ...

(if you noticed that this cupcake is not a "half" sized cupcake, you're right - she scored big because the bakery was out of the minis on Tuesday!)

I love these two little ladybugs more than words can say ... I sigh and get a little lump in my throat with every birthday and, yes, even the half birthdays - where has the time gone? How is it possible they're this grown up already? Happy Half Birthday to both of my beautiful babies, my sugar and spice, my treasured little ladybugs ... xoxo ... Love, Mom