It's been a rough rough week since school started ... I feel like life went from a manageable but fun 70 miles per hour to an out of control, barely able to hold on 100+ miles per hour. The early morning game of beat-the-clock, the exhausting hours at school for the girls, balancing the after-school activities with the long hours of homework, the late nights trying to squeeze it all in ... only to start it all over again early the next morning. Booooooo! It's been nothing short of a painful sucker punch that we're still trying to recover from ...
And as if the adjustment to the the bam of our school-year routine hasn't been difficult enough, on top of the bam came a pow ...
Already reeling from the bam, the pow has been the direct result of something new this school year ... social drama. It seems that summer vacation brought about some changes to the social hierarchy in my big ladybug's 6th grade class - and the catty 'mean girl' games have begun right out of the gate. Two girls in particular have returned as an inseparable pair - with twice the bitchiness, they are ruling the roost. Oy. My older daughter is one of the most compassionate people I've ever known, she would cry her own tears for anyone facing adversity ... so she's having a really tough time wondering why these girls don't feel the consequences of their actions. And, although the pair hasn't singled my daughter out or said anything hurtful to her (yet), she is clearly being excluded. Ouch.
My beautiful big ladybug is such an amazing kid - her sensitivity is one of her biggest gifts. But in some cases, her sensitivity can work against her and her self confidence has long struggled because of it. After just 3 days at school, my daughter asked me through her tears why these 2 girls "look right through her" ... my heart crumbled and broke to hear those perceptive words, it was all I could do to hold myself together ... how does a mother answer this question? If someone knows, I'd sure like to hear. I wanted to answer by saying "because her f-#@%! mother is a bitch too, and pulls exactly the same #$@!, the apple sure didn't fall far!" ... but instead I took a breath and praised her for her compassion and for being able to recognize and articulate her feelings. I urged her to try to pursue other girlfriends, ones who will really look at her and listen to her, ones who make her feel good about herself and support her. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure this is what she heard ... blah blah blah wah wah wah. The irony of it all is that I was a middle school teacher once upon a time - so why can't I fix this?! I've ordered myself one of these to start with ...
Any other suggestions?? ... sigh ... I reeeeeally liked the lazy days of summer - is it so much to ask for an extension ... please?
7 comments:
Oh yeah. . .those girl dramas. . .don't you wish you could just fast forward a few years for your ladybugs sake? To those great college/young adult years when you've learned who your real friends are.
Leslie's class has lots of girls and she has already been sick one day and I got called to pick her up today. . .my mommy heart is worried that something is up. . .not just a nasty flu bug.
It is such a good thing that she is talking to you and even though she may only hear blah, blah, blah when you talk at least she knows you care!
Hey there!! Just doing a quick check in ... I had all intentions to download onto my blog tonight and I had an article to do, etc. etc. SO OF COURSE our 6 year old jams up the computer ... long story short, my husband drove home from work (an hour early) to get the mac, drive an hour to the store to inquire on a repair ... in the end, it is way too late to attempt anything, BUT I wanted to check in with you.
FIRST, thank you so much for the "mention" in your book post:). You are always so kind!! Second, and MOST importantly ... I will be praying for your daughter and you! We went through a similar situation when we moved here, and it's taken about a year for us to "find our way." (but we had a couple other factors you do not have) Anyway, I wish I had some great advice. I think everyone goes through this. I agree with GABE, YEAH that she is coming to you!!!! That is awesome. But I know it is so unbelievably heart-braking for a Momma to hear. Girls are just mean. :( I'm glad she has a little sister to come home, too, though:). I'm sure that is helpful. Treasure the moments when she comes to you. I have a feeling that once you get beyond the hurt, you will one day look back on these moments (both of you will) as a special time. You are being there for her. You are teaching her how to listen, how to encourage, how to be a friend and a Momma someday. The girls may never respond to her differently, but you are helping her to be stronger.
Much love to you all! And prayers tonight from GA:).
I have no words of advice to offer. Mean girls suck and all I'd want to do is march up to them on the playground and set 'em straight with a firm talking to no hold barred.
And, then my mortified daughter would resent me until she was roughly 33 years old.
Good thing I have boys, eh?
So sorry. I can only imagine how hard this must be. Want to walk next Tuesday am? And, if its its raining we just chat over coffee?
I am sooooooo not looking forward to that bull!!
Isabella is also very sensitive...this is going to be a tough road ahead for us, too.
I think you're right; she probably hears blah blah blah when you speak, but you're saying all the right things. Continue to say them, because she may hear it one day, but does she have another female role model in her life that she may listen to...one that can echo what you're saying? A cousin or babysitter or coach, etc?
It take a village, right?
xo
Oh no! This stinks! Bless her...don't you just wanna take somebody out!
She does hear you! Keep at it. She knows you are safe and she is accepted.
So sorry!
Goodness Sloan, so sorry this is happening to you and your sweet daughter. I know that road is ahead of us...ugh!
I agree with the others, keep talking and know that it is making a difference. Encouraging her to look for other similar friends is the perfect advice. Is there a way you could help support her with this...inviting a friend over, setting up a date at the mall...not really sure what middle schoolers do these days...sorry! I know I was never part of the super in crowd, but I always had a very tight group of friends, and even though it was small, we were "in" in our own minds! I hope things are looking at least a little bit up for you and your daughter. I can't wait to hear how you handle all of this, and file all that advice away for when I need it!:)
Hugs to you and enjoy the day
Oh Sloan, I'm so sorry! We are having something similar for the first time. My oldest is also in 6th grade and is running for student council. He happily made posters and then had his feelings hurt when his 2 supposed friends exclaimed they weren't voting for him. He came home in tears and my heart just broke and I of course wanted to smack both of those boys! lol Mama Bear is not a fun feeling. :( Like you, I can't say what I want to say about those boys in front of him. I'm just not ready for this and I know girls are 10 times worse and my daughter is in 3rd grade so the drama I'm sure will be starting soon. :(
Big hugs to you and your sweet big ladybug! (((HUGS)))
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